I went to a worship night at our church, and was just feeling very worn down. They played this song called “Move Your Heart,” and expressed a deep desire to move God’s heart with worship. The bridge part of the song included several questions asking God what exactly it was that would move Him. I began to feel so worthless in that moment. In a state of worthlessness, I surrendered to complete honesty before Him and and whispered, “Lord, I don’t feel that I have anything left that would move You. I feel broken and at the end of my rope. I feel worthless, like I have nothing to offer anymore.”

This was a level of truth that I had felt for some time, but had not wanted to admit. I’d been striving to nullify what I knew to be true of myself. But when that song came on, I just poured it all out to Him. And in His great Fatherly love I felt him cup my face with His hands and whisper back, “You move me, Beloved. “You” move me. It’s not about what you can do for me, or what you can offer me besides yourself. You, in this state, in complete nothingness, move everything within Me. And I am so proud of you, my daughter, for your choice to surrender. It is when you give up and give in that I can step up and step in.”

I broke in that moment and realized just how long I had been striving to make something of myself that was worth presenting to the Lord. I had been trying to serve Him in my own strength so that I could feel deserving of His love. But with each step of striving, I had inched closer and closer to the end of my rope, and further away from surrender. What a failure this strategy was!

I was working so hard to climb my faith mountain in order to gain ground with God. But I had to realize that He had already climbed that hill when He went to the cross. He had shown me how to surrender by laying His life down, and He called me to do the same. By choosing “not” to strive for victory, we don’t settle for defeat, we surrender to “His” victory in our lives. If we truly want to move the heart of God, we must allow ourselves to be moved deeply by the love He showed us first. And in this humble acceptance, we will become less as He becomes more. When we reach the end of ourselves, we find a God who is ready to move mountains because He has been moved by our surrender.