How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others | Run YOUR Race
Estimated reading time: 15 minutes
Introduction
I wonder how much money they make?
How can they afford a house like that?
Another vacation, huh?
How are they always so happy?
Do these questions sound familiar? Well, they should, because these are the kinds of questions we ask ourselves about other people all the time, especially when we’re scrolling through social media feeds. The comparison game we play is a lose-lose situation. We’re caught in a cycle of constant comparisons that affect our mental health, and when we choose to compare ourselves with others, we become frustrated, and the other person—even if it’s a good friend or family member—becomes an enemy of sorts.
There are no winners in this game. In fact, Theodore Roosevelt once said, “comparison is the thief of joy.” This is because we’re looking at someone’s highlight reel on social networks, while comparing it to our blooper reel, making it impossible to see the good things in our own lives.
So, how do we conquer this toxic habit we tend to fall into so often? Well, let me just start by saying there’s a good chance we will never fully beat it. However, we can manage it by understanding that we are running a unique race, cultivating a growth mindset, and discovering our personal growth and purpose.
1. The Trap of Comparison
What is Comparison?
While the technical definition of comparison is simply the act of considering something or someone in relation to yourself, the definition I want to focus on is not quite as technical.
I would define comparison as the joy-sucker part of our emotions that makes us feel inadequate when looking at the curated photos and aspects of other people’s lives, especially on social media platforms, because we don’t feel like we are enough or have enough in and of ourselves. Ouch, right?
Comparison is that thing that creeps into our minds when we see someone else succeed—whether it’s their job titles, family life, or even physical appearance. It makes its way slowly when we least expect it and reveals to us our own perceived inadequacies. It can lead to body comparisons, body dissatisfaction, and chronic anxiety, creating negative feelings as we try to measure up. We’re never the best. Someone else is always ahead. They have more Instagram followers. They make more money. I’m not as funny. My social media use results in fewer likes and engagements than that person.
Our self-worth is often tied to how we view ourselves in comparison to others. Beyond that, our joy is linked directly to our self-worth. This is a recipe for living life in pursuit of other people’s validation instead of practicing gratitude for our own lives.
Social Media is Destroying Us
According to an article by Frontiers in Psychology, human beings are born with a tendency to compare themselves with others in order to assess their standing and abilities. (Frontiers, 2017). Social Comparison Theory, introduced by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954, suggests that we evaluate our abilities, opinions, and traits by comparing them with others. It’s a part of our evolutionary need as social creatures to fit in, but today’s constant social media use has exacerbated this tendency.
In a recent article by the Jed Foundation, social media browsing “creates a false life on social media for the sake of likes/followers,” which can make our shortcomings in real life seem all the more difficult, leading us to feel dissatisfied with our own journey.
So it’s clear that humans were born with the tendency to compare and social media has exacerbated our ability to compare with one another.
Let me state this. Social media is not “of the devil” as some in my part of the country like to say. Further, social media is not “frying our brains” although there may actually be research to prove that one is true one day. Time will tell.
Social media is not evil in and of itself.
What happens with social media though is that we often see the best parts of other people’s lives. We see their travels and the restaurants they eat at. We see their beautiful friends and their hangouts. Further, we see the things they buy and wear. Then, we ask ourselves why we don’t have those things.
You know all the questions.
“Why didn’t I get invited?”
“How can they afford that?”
“I guess his job is going really well.”
Then, there’s the ultimate low self-esteem jab at ourselves, “It must be nice.”
What Does the Bible Say About Comparison
Ecclesiastes 4:4 (NIV):
“And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
Proverbs 14:30 (NIV):
“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV):
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
I love these verses. As I stated at the beginning, comparison is my thing. While I certainly have other struggles, no doubt, comparison is that one struggle that I’ve never been able to really get in check until recently. By recently, I mean right around my 37th birthday.
What Psalm 139 teaches us that we were uniquely created. We’re 1 of 1. That’s right. There has never been a “you” before and there never will be again. Every person was created uniquely and with thought.
That means that some people were blessed with incredible athletic abilities. Others were given amazing heads of hair (I don’t like those people). Some people have IQ’s in the upper 100’s. Others were created to change the world.
As Ecclesiastes tells us, envy of one another is meaningless and like chasing after the wind.
The first step is to remember who you are. Remember how you were created with a unique set of gifts, talents and abilities that has never existed before and it will never exist again.
2. Why Comparison is Destructive
The Spiritual and Emotional Toll
I cannot begin to explain the effects that comparison has had on me. That’s actually not true at all. I’m about to explain the effects. Sorry, I lied.
- Comparison almost destroyed a 20 year old friendship.
- A business almost ended because of comparison.
- I stopped hanging out with certain people because I couldn’t stand they made more money than me.
- I deleted someone’s phone number because they were funnier than I was.
- I spoke negatively about the success of another dear friend because I hadn’t seen the same amount of success.
- I conjured up thoughts about others’ inadequacies hoping they were true. (FYI – they weren’t)
- When I heard someone I envied was struggling in their marriage, I internally felt vindication.
- I grew bitter that I wasn’t the entrepreneur other people were.
I’ll stop there. I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you (and myself).
These comparative thoughts are hard to admit, but they were real and had an impact on my relationships, mental health and even marriage. By focusing on the perceived success of other people, I let comparison steal valuable time and joy from my own life. Each moment spent comparing was a waste of time, preventing me from seeing the good things in my life.
I’m not proud of any of these moments. What I do acknowledge, though, is that they were very real emotions that I felt. I took myself to a very dark place for a really long time trying to convince myself that people were not as good as they appeared or that I just hadn’t been “discovered” yet.
Comparison Kills Adventure
Comparison also kills adventure. It disallows freedom and prevents us from seeing the unique adventures God has set for us. While we may be living our lives, checking off things on our to-do list, we’re too focused on someone else’s adventure.
Sure, we can manufacture day-to-day adventures. However, we’re constantly going to be thinking about how someone else’s adventure is better than ours. Sure, we’re hiking in the Colorado mountains. But Dave? He’s summiting Everest this weekend.
How did Dave get to Nepal? How did he pay for this? Does his employer even know? He must have gotten an inheritance. I hope he makes it (not really). Dave must be really good at his job and make a ton of money.
This is the rabbit trail we take ourselves on. What we may not realize is that all of those things may be true! Dave may be a super salesman with an amazing marriage, trusting boss, great relationships with his kids and started a non-profit on the side that he spends his weekends serving.
Or, Dave may be a miserable workaholic that’s filing for divorce, hasn’t spoken to his kids in months and just lost his job because he was drinking during work hours to cope with the stress of the life he’s built.
Run Your Race
The point of this example is to focus on running YOUR race, not the race others are running.
Living from a place of freedom allows us to run our race while caring for the race of others we love and care for. We can rest knowing that we’re doing what God has called us to.
We get to look at the lives of others and choose love, grace and empathy rather than disdain, envy and bitterness. Human nature tells us that when someone is better than us at something, we’re inadequate or inferior.
No, they’re just better than us at that thing. When we see the success of someone’s business, we begin to wonder why we don’t have that kind of success in ours. More often than not, they’re thinking the same thing about you in some capacity.
Sure, maybe their business is really taking off. Or they’re getting into great shape. When we’re living from a place of freedom and discovering the adventures that God has uniquely created for us, we get encourage other people on their journeys.
3. How to Focus on Running YOUR Race
Know Your God-Given Identity
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
The first step in running your own race is to understand your God-given identity. We are more than what we do, how much money we make, or what our job title says. When we recognize our unique identity in Christ, we are free to pursue our own personal growth and purpose without being dragged down by comparison triggers.
Identity is something that we struggle to find every day, every week and, for some, throughout the course of our lives. Our identity is not what we do, how much money we make, how much influence we have or what any title tells us we are. These are all roles we play in our daily lives.
Our identity is that we are sons and daughters of God that exist to make God known through our jobs or professions, our relationships and the ways in which we interact with the world.
This takes all of the pressure off of us to produce according to what our culture says we are to produce. Once we learn to believe that we are created uniquely to serve the specific purposes God has placed us on earth to do, we can begin to live free from comparison.
A few of my roles are as follows:
- Christ-follower
- Husband and Father
- Friend and Confidant
- Business integrator
- Blogger and entrepreneur
- Experience Curator and Creator
My purpose is to ensure that I’m showing Jesus as much as I possibly can in each of these roles. While this purpose is not unique to me, the ways in which I fulfill it in each of these roles absolutely is.
Celebrate Others, Without Comparing
The next step is to shift from comparison to celebration.
Romans 12:15 implores us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
Shifting from comparison to celebration means practicing gratitude for what we have and celebrating the success of others, whether it’s a good friend or a peer group. Developing a gratitude practice, such as keeping a gratitude journal, is a great action step to help you focus on your own journey.
Let me ask a question. Can you think of a time when one of your closest friends, and in the context of this post, one of your biggest rivals, did something amazing at work or with their family, posted on social media, and you immediately became joyful in their success?
I bet you can think of a plethora of instances when you reacted in the opposite way. I can attest that I’m guilty of this far too often.
However, when we shift our focus from what we didn’t do or what we don’t have, and place it on the One who provides all purpose in life, we can celebrate when others succeed.
A key point here is that other people’s success does not impact your calling or your purpose. This is not a zero sum game. Can it be true that someone else’s success came in the midst of your own personal success rather than at the expense of it? Hint, yes. That is true most of the time.
I would encourage you to consider operating from a place of gratitude for the calling you’ve been given while celebrating others who are operating in theirs at the same time.
4. Practical Steps to Stop Comparing
Limit Social Media Consumption
It’s no secret that social media often fuels comparison. While it’s a fantastic tool for connecting with friends, discovering new things, and sharing experiences, it’s also a breeding ground for envy.
The highlight reels we scroll through can lead us to forget that real life isn’t always as glamorous as it appears on the screen.
To stop comparing, set healthy boundaries with social media. This could mean limiting your time on certain platforms or unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison.
Consider scheduling designated times to check social media instead of constantly scrolling. By being intentional about how and when you use it, you can protect your peace of mind and focus on your race.
Cultivate a Growth Mindset
One of the best antidotes to comparison is adopting a growth mindset. This means shifting your focus from what others are doing to how you can improve yourself.
A growth mindset encourages you to view challenges as opportunities for growth, rather than signs of inadequacy. Instead of seeing someone else’s success as a measure of your own failure, recognize that your journey is unique.
Celebrate progress over perfection, and strive to become a better version of yourself each day. With this mindset, you can reframe your thinking and see that life isn’t a competition but a journey of continual growth.
Seek Accountability
Find people in your life who encourage you to stay focused on your own race. Whether it’s a close friend, mentor, or accountability partner, having someone to share your struggles with can make all the difference.
They can remind you of your value, pray with you, and give you perspective when you start to veer off into the comparison trap. When you surround yourself with a supportive community, it’s easier to stay grounded in your identity and purpose.
We are called to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds” (Hebrews 10:24), and part of that is helping each other stay on the path God has set before us.
5. Adventure Awaits When You Focus on Your Path
Embrace Your Journey
Life is an adventure, and when you stop comparing yourself to others, you’re free to fully embrace the journey that God has set before you. Your path is yours alone, and no one else can walk it for you.
When we stop looking at the lives of others and start focusing on the unique calling that God has for us, we find joy, purpose, and a sense of fulfillment that comparison can never offer. God has designed each of us for a unique adventure.
Some might take grand journeys across the world, while others may find their adventure in the everyday moments of raising a family, building a business, or serving their community.
Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
​This is a powerful reminder that our job is not to concern ourselves with the paths of others but to focus on following Christ and running our race.
​Find The Next First Track
​In a recent post I wrote about African lion trackers, I discussed the idea of the next first track. Read more about that here.
Essentially, when trackers are searching for lions, they have to keep their eyes on the ground below them seeking the next first track to determine the direction they are to continue. There is no better metaphor for the adventures of life than this.
When we’re being called to have faith and trust in a purpose greater than ourselves, we’re never going to see the end result. We’re likely not even going to see 5 steps in front of us. No, we must focus on the next first track. What is the next decision? What is the next step? Further, what is the next conversation I need to have?
Finding the next first track is the best way we can continue to dive deeper into the calling and vision that God has uniquely given us without stopping to compare ourselves with others running a different race than we are.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, running your own race is about trusting that God has placed you on the path you’re meant to walk. The distractions of comparison, envy, and self-doubt only serve to pull us away from our purpose and steal the joy of our journey. When we choose to focus on what God has for us, we find peace in knowing that our value isn’t determined by how we measure up to others, but by how faithfully we live out His calling on our lives.
The next time comparison begins to creep in, just find the next right track. Practice gratitude for what the calling you’ve received. Limit your use of social media. Get out of comparison mode as quickly as possible by focusing on your own race.
This may be the most difficult battle you’ll ever fight. However, if you choose not to fight it, relationships, joy and your own purpose will ultimately suffer.
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About the Author
John Claborn
Hi! I’m John. Author of the post you just read. I like to write about all things adventure. Mostly things to help people live more adventurous lives and care for their families in a more meaningful way. By day, I’m a COO. By night, I’m a rad dad of 4 kids that I don’t deserve and a husband to a woman I can’t understand how I got. My goal is to show freedom to people through adventure and experiences.
