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Estimated reading time: 13 minutes

Biblical submission

Now there’s a phrase that most people, especially women, seem to run away from. Yuck! It’s so constricting of all that people may want to do with their lives. Even Christian women sometimes see it this way. They emphasize and relish the idea that as daughters of the King, they are called to a mighty purpose. They can arise as leaders; and they will crush the head of the serpent with their heels! Doesn’t that just send chills down your spine. It’s so exciting! Women are no longer considered worthless. They have been chosen and called and valued by an almighty Savior, and they can add color and dimension to the masterful picture that He has been painting throughout history. None of this is false, girls!! Please hear me out.

Yes, I’m about to talk in depth about the insane beauty found in submission. But you are still deeply loved, identified as worthy, and charged with a noble and heavenly calling. Do not mistake your privilege to submit as deception about your true identity. In fact wives, I believe with all my heart that as you learn how to submit to the Lord and your husbands, you will actually open yourselves up more and more to the revelation of who you really are in Christ. I want you to know that if you have accepted God as your Savior and Lord, then you are a mighty warrior in His kingdom, and you will lead bravely and boldly in the battles of this life. And it is my hope that this blog will help you see just how beautifully you can also lead by example in the act of submission. 

God’s Design

Let’s look at God’s desire for the different roles in marriage in the first place. In Ephesians 5: 22-25 (NIV) the apostle Paul says “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church his body,  of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Obviously, this is quite weighty material.  It is hard to do, yet imperative for growth in relationship. Let’s look at the first part of that verse. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Our submission begins first with Christ. 

Submit to God First

He is our Lord, and demands our allegiance above all else. However, He does not demand reverence in a tyrannizing way. He is also our loving heavenly Father. The reverence He demands is in an awe inspiring kind of way. He is God, and all things come from Him. Thus, submission to His leadership should be an evident response to the revelation of Who He is. He is all holy, and He can transform us to be holy women. And as we learn to submit to His leadership, the Holy Spirit will enable us to become submissive wives treating our husbands with the same respect. When we begin to understand the Biblical headship that is part of God’s good plan for Christ and His body, we can come to a better realization of how a Christian woman should honor the leadership role her husband carries.

Christ is the head of the church, and he calls men to represent Him in the same way as the head of their families. Just imagine if you had a hand that would not respond to what your brain was telling it to do…a rebel hand, so to speak. You would be extremely frustrated and always worried about what that hand might actually choose to do. This is a silly example, but it kind of paints a picture of what happens when we rebel against authority. God created a good thing when he set up the order of the church and the marriage relationship.

Misinterpretations

God’s word is true, and is a love letter to His people. Yet the idea of submission can be very difficult because it may seem like it’s a sign of weakness.  Women sometimes balk at the word submission because they think that to be a good wife, they have to lay themselves down like a doormat for their husbands to walk all over. This is so far from the truth. When we see how God views submission, we will learn to accept it as pleasure and not a punishment. When we see how Jesus Himself demonstrated complete submission to His Father, we can see just how fruitful it actually is.

Surprising Benefits:

I’d like to dive into three specific benefits that come with being a submissive wife. There may be several obvious ones that come to mind. Clearly, it is God’s command for us to do so. It honors our husbands.  It sets a good example. And basically…it’s just the “right” thing to do. But I’d like to focus on a few that you might have never thought of before. We should gladly seek to obey what the Lord asks of us. But perhaps if we knew even greater benefits behind why He gave this command, we’d be much more apt to apply them. 

1) Submission to authority allows us to share in the mindset of Christ.

Jesus’ Example

The New Testament says in Philippians 2:3-5, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.” It later says that He did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage, But rather He made Himself nothing. Again this sounds like that in order to submit, we must accept it as a sign of weakness. However, Jesus was actually showing the ultimate strength by resisting the prideful tendency to build Himself up. Rather, He reveled in magnifying the One who sent Him, and doing all that He saw His Father doing first.

Higher Thoughts

While this example wars against our flesh, the extreme benefit in choosing to submit is that we share in “His” mindset. This is not just pertaining to the power He gives to take “bad thoughts captive.”(2 Cor. 10:5) It is actually emphasizing the idea that we get to share in “His thoughts,”(1 Cor. 2:16) the good ones, the ones that are so much loftier than our own. With His mindset, we not only have His grace to choose to think more highly of others than ourselves, but we actually get to do so with great delight because we have been given His higher and more accurate vision for others. Jesus didn’t begrudgingly honor and represent His Father to the world. He couldn’t wait to share how beautiful His Father’s heart was! He got giddy about giving glimpses of God to the globe!

Gentle and Quiet Spirit

Having a shared mindset with Christ helps us to delight in honoring our husbands and treating them with respect. Jesus not only took every opportunity he could to reveal His Father’s character. But He also refused to defend himself before His accusers because He submitted Himself to a much higher authority. He modeled for us the beauty of having a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4.) The apostle Peter says this is of great worth in God’s sight. Words are highly important, but sometimes silence can also be a beautiful thing.

Jesus sought to honor his Father by holding His tongue. We most likely will have to do this as well in marriage. And we certainly can if we are like-minded in our desire to lift up another besides ourselves. There will also be other times where God will allow us to speak encouraging and uplifting words to our husbands that can indeed remind them of their identity in Christ. There will be many ways to submit to our husbands. And while they are not always easy, they can certainly become more of a benefit and even a joy if we first learn to receive the gift of sharing in the mindset of Christ.

2) Being a submissive wife is a catalyst for actually being able to receive a husband’s love.

A Lovely Duo

Trust me…this is one that I have only recently been learning about. I naturally thought that submission in a relationship was completely separate from love. I actually noticed this assumption in my relationship with God first. He was worthy of the utmost reverence, and I wanted to show this to Him. But I also knew that He was a loving Father who longed for me to crawl up in His lap and lean my head against His chest. I had trouble embracing both of these dynamics of our relationship. I tended to swing from one side to the other. The Lord began to show me that if He in fact encompasses both of these qualities together, then I can actually embrace both responses together as well.

I can bow my heart in reverence while also breathing deeply within His embrace. I can stand in awe of His glory, while also pouring out my anxious heart and pleading for His peace. And I can worship, for He is worthy, while also communing with my most trusted confidant. These two responses can not only happen at the same time, but they can also work to enhance each other. As I grow in my submission to God’s power and authority, this in turn expands my ability to bask in His love. And as I humbly embrace more fully His Father heart for me, I am much more deeply in awe of that which brings me to my knees.

Open Hearts

Now it is somewhat of a different dynamic with my husband, but the same concept is true. My submission to John can allow me to see and embrace his love on a deeper level than ever before. The humility that is required to submit, is also powerfully working to open up my heart to receive as well. God knew just how much of a benefit it would be for a man to have a submissive wife. She truly can be “worth far more than rubies.” The blessing is obvious for a man. But God went so far beyond that by designing a way for a wife’s submission to be a gift as well for women who embrace it.

Many women will close themselves off to this command because they focus too much on their responsibility to lead. Or they justify their lack of submission because they don’t think their husbands are worthy of it. I am fully aware that there are some terrible unbelieving husbands out there who do not lead or love well. But I still believe that a Christian wife can respect and uplift her husband in a way that may actually remind them of their god-given roles in the family. Yet even if it doesn’t, our choice to honor our husbands is usually directly related to how we are also submitting to God. And if we close ourselves off to our call to submit, then we are also unintentionally closing ourselves off to our own receptivity for love.

Submitting to God is placing ourselves under all that He is and all that He wants to be for us. Because God is Love, then our submission opens our hearts to receive that part of Him in a beautiful way. Because God has commanded husbands to love their wives as well, our choices to submit in marriage helps us to be welcoming of who he is called to be for us. How have we walled up our hearts to love by refusing to submit to our husband’s leadership? 

3) Honoring the spiritual leadership of your husband helps to create a unified foundation for your kids to stand upon. 

Family Security

I am not just talking about setting a good example here. I’m demonstrating the idea that your submission as a wife can set the precedence for a unified front within the family. And your children will hopefully feel secure enough to stand confidently upon that foundation as they grow in their own true identity. No marriage is perfect, and unity does seem to thrive more so if both sides are embracing your specific roles. There should even be a mutual submission within a Christian marriage as you both share in Christ’s love together. This is God’s plan for a biblical marriage.

Unequally Yoked

But it is not always this way, and there may be wives who experience no such thing. You may suffer from an abusive husband who does not demonstrate Biblical leadership whatsoever. Even in relationships that are unequally yoked, however, you can still surrender to a type of submission and honor that reveals your desire for unity to your children. Your decision to become a helper fit for your husband, whether He appreciates you or not, can proclaim to your children the essence of what unity, with God first, can really do. As you walk in the undeserved gift of oneness with your Creator, you are two becoming one, which is truly mighty in His kingdom.

Oneness with God

Because you have been given oneness with God Himself, you can reveal this foundational security to your kids, even as you love our husband. You can become a force to be reckoned with, as you live in submission from your unity with God. And if your husband is also living in this Oneness with the Father, then your marriage too can be powerful in offering a foundational springboard for your children to grow from. Oneness with Christ first is the rock upon which you stand. And you can help your kids see the beauty of this foundation as you humbly honor your husband. 

Unique Opportunity

I hope this helps you today. I believe wholeheartedly that you can receive God’s view of your husband no matter how he see himself. And I hope and pray that you embrace the journey of reminding them constantly of who He is in Christ. I believe the delight you can choose to have in being a submissive wife can help him delight as well in being a loving husband. Don’t wait for it to be easy. Don’t wait for your husband to be deserving of your honor. Embrace that Christ-like mindset, open yourself up to love, and stand upon that foundation of oneness. You have been given a powerful opportunity to shift the entire dynamic of your family today. Will you take it?

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