Estimated reading time: 16 minutes

My wife, Celeste and I, have been married for almost 11 years. It’s been a beautiful mixture of joy, pain, sorrow, laughter, forgiveness, loss, gain and so many other feelings and emotions. Our marriage has experienced extremely high highs and exasperating lows that have left us powerless. From the joy of July 19th, 2013 to the worst days of our lives, April 22nd, 2016 and September 19th, 2022, we have had to rely on each other through it all. More importantly, we’ve had to rely on the Lord together and, sometimes, alone. This is also the story of my trusting God for a spouse when the “the one” got away. 

The Beginning

Celeste and I met in May 2010, and I was immediately enamored by her beauty. Now, this wasn’t some complicated inner beauty or personality attraction. This was purely a physical attraction. Over time, I grew to love everything about her, but initially I just thought she was “super hot”. I asked her on a date unbeknownst to her. We talked for 3 hours at a park close to where we actually live today. I fell, and I fell hard. I had never felt anything like this before.

It was much deeper than a simple “liking”. However, I had never been in love, so I wasn’t sure that’s what it was either. However, I knew it was something deep. After only 3 weeks, I knew I was in love. I had always dreamed my future spouse would be a blonde. Celeste was a brunette, so that wasn’t a good sign. I also had always dreamed that she would treasure and value God’s word. Celeste certainly met that criteria. 

Prayers That Didn’t Avail

I began praying prayers I had never prayed before. Prayers about marriage and love. Prayers that seemed asinine at the time. After all, we had just met! Then, on June 2nd, 2010, I asked God if I was going to marry Celeste. Now, before I reveal His answer, I want to be very clear. I was raised Southern Baptist. The Holy Spirit ain’t a thing in that denomination. So any talk of the power of the Holy Spirit or “God speaking to me” was not only a foreign concept, it terrified me.

I thought it was ridiculously weird. So as I asked God that one question that would change my life in a very negative way, then the most amazing way, I was expecting nothing. Then, I heard the Lord speak in an almost audible voice for the first time in my life. His answer was a resounding, “Yes”! I could not have had more joy in the moment. 

The First Time

A few days later, I asked Celeste on an actual date. At this point, she had shown no interest in me other than as a dear friend. I made her laugh, and I was fun to be around. She really wasn’t looking for anything more than that. She courteously declined. You’d think I was devastated, but I wasn’t. I knew what God has told me. This was a mere bump in the road. For the next few weeks, we hung out. We were part of a friend group that grew really close to one another. It was kind of like the TV show Friends for all of the 90’s kids. We had 6 of us, and we would hang out all the time. It was so much fun to get to hang out with “my wife”….or so I thought. 

The Second Time

Having heard the Lord, as I’ve stated, I went for it again. I asked her out for a second time. Surely, this time would work. Nope. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Shut down. It was ok though. I still had the ace in the hole…God’s answer to my question. While a little confused, we continued to hang out. Strangely, things never were weird between us. I had asked her out twice, and she said no twice. That’s got drama written all over it. We never experienced that. So I got back to the grind of simply hanging out as friends. Then, another month passed by, and I saw another opportunity. 

The Third Time

It was late August of 2010 by this point. Zero for two. We had known each other for about 3 months, and I felt no different about her. I was still in love. Call me crazy, but love will make a man do some ridiculous things and say some ridiculous things. It will also blind you to reality as was the case in my instance. I had no indication whatsoever that her mind had been changed or that she felt any differently. She still continued to approach me as she normally had – simply a friend. However, there was something that gave me confidence that if I asked one more time, maybe the outcome would be different. Looking back, I wasn’t persistent, I just never stopped to look at the signs. 

So I threw caution to the wind and asked her out one final time…or so I thought. This time the outcome went in my favor! She actually said yes. So we started dating. Then, 3 years later, we got married. Alright, while that part is actually true, it didn’t quite happen that way. Nonetheless, I was dating the woman God had destined for me, and we soon would be tying the knot in my little world. 

A Tumultuous Relationship

As we began dating, it was clear that I was much further along in the relationship than she was. Celeste is a very deep thinker. She likes to process and take her time. She’s very calculated in the decisions she makes. While she had contemplated her future husband, she really wasn’t looking at it the way I was. I was head over heels in love, while she was taking it nice and slow trying to figure out who I actually was. 

Over the course of the next 6 weeks, I became a wreck to be around. I was so scared that she would break up with me that I became jealous any time she wasn’t able to hang out. I also became highly annoyed when she preferred group settings to individual dates. Our first date was a train wreck. I won’t go into those details, but she would agree that I made her question the relationship from the very first date. This relationship was not one of joy, happiness and mutual love. This was very one-sided in that I loved her, and she was quickly growing apart from me. 

Then, after 6 short weeks of dating, she broke up with me. I was completely crushed. I literally could not believe what she was telling me. Moreover, I couldn’t help by think, “but God said” over and over and over again. So we went our separate ways. 

Lean Not On Your Own Understanding

Over the next 12 months, I could not figure out God’s plan for my life. I struggled with the idea that God’s purpose for my life was to be single forever. I thought I had let the one girl that I had ever loved get away from me. Fortunately, for me, God’s love and His perfect timing ultimately reigns supreme in every instance. 

Through this season of life, David’s words in Psalms resonated. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will give you the desires of your heart. Bible verses I turned to that gave me hope, but also reminded me of the loss I thought I had incurred became ever present. 

Matthew 6:33: Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be given to you. 

Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Jeremiah 17:7-8: But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

Psalm 37:5: Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this.

So that’s what I began to do. I would pray in Jesus’ name that God would allow me to marry Celeste. Day after day I prayed these prayers. I continually felt the Lord saying to me that His timing was perfect, and God’s blessings would be poured down on me at the right time. Unfortunately, I had no idea what this meant. I had no clue he was referring to marriage. 

Further Excavation of the Heart

Life would continue on for both of us. Over the next 12 months, I would experience spiritual growth that I never thought possible. I began to see God was worthy of our trust. All those days of prayer had not let Celeste back to me. However, the unconditional love of the Father began to consume me. I had begun to see the good things in life again. No, I wasn’t married, and there were no prospects either. However, I was beginning to understand what it meant to return to my first love, Christ Jesus. 

I would remember the words of Psalms 139. 

“Such things are too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?…even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”

I was beginning to learn that God’s will was just that. The desires of my heart had not changed. I still loved Celeste. She didn’t love me. In fact, she barely liked me at this point. However, God’s power had begun a work in me that was preparing me for my future marriage and showing me a husband’s heart for his wife. I had no clue this was happening though. 

Spiritual Breakthrough

Over the next few weeks, I began to care less and less about who my future wife was. While deep down I still desired to marry Celeste, I had made the commitment to move on completely. So many nights I sat in bed praying, “Dear God, remove her from my mind. Let me forget about her.” 

Spoiler alert, he never really did that. 

That being said, I began to focus on what it actually meant to become someone’s “man of my dreams” or a “godly husband”. I began to ask the question’s about manhood and viewing God as loving father rather than just someone that created the Earth and sent His son to die for me. Further, I asked questions like, “How can I make the most of the single life?”. Regularly, I would seek to understand God’s sovereignty over our lives. What in the world did this even mean? I couldn’t even spell that word, much less define it. 

I had several close friends that had already gotten married. They had their own marriage to think about, so I would oftentimes become an afterthought. During these times, I would lean further in to the wise counsel of the Bible and learn how faithful God had been. While I had yet to experience my own love story, I was more adept in distinguishing the little things that He was doing in my life. 

Then, it happened again. 

The “Dance”

I know what you’re thinking. God’s timing was now! He was going to join a single woman with a single man (Celeste and John) and they would ride off into the sunset. 

You would be wrong. After almost a year of not talking, we just so happened to be part of a wedding of mutual friends. Lo and behold, there was a dance. Whether it was the fact that I was actually more mature this time or the festiveness of the event caught up to me, I did what no man should ever do. I asked the girl who had rejected me three to dance. She said yes…to the dance. We danced for two songs. I couldn’t tell you what they were. As I was looking around while dancing with Celeste, I couldn’t help by notice 9 sets of eyeballs glued to us. That was my sign. As I remember back on that night writing this, I cringe to think I was so naive. 

The Fourth Time

So, what did I do next? I asked her out the following week. I explained how I had changed and all the things you’re supposed to say. The thing about it though was that I actually had changed, she just didn’t know it. Any idea what her answer was? If you said yes, you would be wrong. She rejected me for an unprecedented fourth time in 2 years. What a great way to finish the week. Yet another rejection. 

For the first time, I handled the rejection the right way. I responded by fully committing to ending my pursuit of her after this. This was the final straw. I had had enough. No more was I going to submit myself to continual rejection. I had to admit to myself that it just wasn’t in the cards. God works in mysterious ways I thought. Maybe, just maybe I had one more shot. 

One More Shot

With God’s help, I was able to move on from the most recent rejection. I actually began to date other girls. They never lasted long though. It was the same reason every time. 

They weren’t Celeste. 

A couple more months passed, and I was in a pretty good spot. Work was going well. I was content with where my life was. I owned a house for the first time. Travel and adventure were plentiful. Life was pretty good. There was just one thing that bothered me. I still thought about Celeste from time to time. This proved a severe stumbling block in my attempts to weed her out of my mind for good. Nothing worked. The mind has a funny way of screwing with you. You’ll forget something for months, then all of a sudden BOOM! There it is again. 

So I’ll ask the question again. Any idea what I did? 

I asked her out for the 5th time. Remember, this was the 3rd “final” time I was going to ask her out. This was now fall of 2011. One and half years after I had asked her out for the first time, I asked her out for the 5th time. To be quite honest, I don’t remember much of the night I got rejected for the 5th time. I do know that it was in a sonic parking lot. If you’re wondering, we paid separately. Rookie mistake by the way. I also know that I left there completely pissed off. However, I wasn’t upset with her though. I had apparently completely misread the Lord over and over again. All that work I had spent repairing a broken heart went out the window. 

Coming Into Peace

The next 9 months went by without any real significance in my eyes. Life was pretty normal. I finally did feel peace to let her go. I was content knowing we would not be friends, and we certainly would not be married. This was the first time I felt that since meeting her. I was ok with it finally. The last 2 years had revealed to me that God had the power to do anything he wanted when he wanted to do it. 

I was struggling trying to reconcile why He had put me through such heartache over the past two years, but I didn’t question it. There was probably a reason that I would understand one day. So I began to enjoy life to its fullest. I went fishing several times. I was invited to attend a wedding in Thailand. Further, I was growing into my own role at work. Life was good. 

Then, in early July of 2012, I finally gave everyone and everything over to the Lord. I wrote in my journal that I was letting go of her for the rest of my life. For the first time, I prayed for Celeste’s well-being. I asked that she would become the kind of wife for her husband that I desired for myself. Then, I prayed that God would send her the right person. I felt peace for the first time in over 2 years. This is what I had been seeking after all. I just had to let go of my own desires for peace to find me. 

July 17th, 2012

Tuesday, July 17th, 2012 started like any other day. I woke up 20 minutes before work started, ate some cold oatmeal then headed to the office to begin the work day. Around 10:00 that morning, I received a message from an unknown number. It was Celeste texting me. 

“Hey, can we talk tonight? I have something I need to talk to you about”.

We had spoken once briefly over the past year. I initially thought, “here we go again”. My second thought was to ignore the message and delete it. Then, I was hit with one simple thought. 

“What if?”

So I responded quickly and briefly. 

“Yes, I have to be somewhere at 7:30, so I can meet you the park [by my house] at 7:00.”

As the day went on, I became increasingly nervous. I had no idea what she wanted to talk about. My hypothesis was that she wanted a friendship again of which I was not interested in the slightest. 

As 7:00 approached, I exited my house with my new dog, Sam, and headed for the park. As she drove up and got out of her car, I was immediately struck by her beauty once again. Thoughts began to flood in of all the hope I once had, but also the pain that she had caused. As she walked up, we said our cordial “how are you’s” and proceeded to engage in conversation. She spoke for 20 straight minutes. The entire time she was speaking, I was thinking one singular thought. 

“If she asks me to be her friend again, I’m getting up and walking off.”

The Beautiful Beginning

Then, she began to break into what we were there for. I grew nervous. I had always had a glimmer of hope we’d end up together, but I had let it go. My heart was in a good place though. My nerves indicated that I had not forgotten about her, nor had I let it go. 

Then, the words that would become our love story were spoken. 

“I want to be friends again….then see where it goes from there.”

As soon as she spoke the words “then see where it goes”, I knew we would get married. There was no doubt about it. God had changed both of us over the previous two years. We took our reliance on ourselves and others and pointed that focus back towards Him. We had both grown and matured in the Lord. Our hearts had both become fully content without each other. 

We got married a year later on July 19th, 2013. In 2016, we had our first child together, Addilyn. Then, in 2018, we had Gavin. 2020 produced our 3rd child, 2nd boy, Jack Jack. As I write this, we are one week away from welcoming Riley Jean into the world. 

The Story Yet To Be Written

Our story is one of resilience, trust and provision. My story is one of power, strength and perseverance. However, it’s not about me or us. It’s about God. God is the resilient one. He is trustworthy, and He provides. God’s power and strength give us the ability to persevere. 

Whether you’re in a season of singleness or not, these truths are relevant. While our story is unique and provides a great plot, yours is too. The Lord is faithful. He provides what we need when we need. The most important truth I learned throughout this season was that when we are content and live in the fullness of who He is, He does things that we’ll understand. He loves to give good gifts to His children. he gave this child the greatest gift of all – a Proverbs 31 woman. 

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