Estimated reading time: 17 minutes

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Introduction to Balancing Life With Kids

We have four kids. Between my work schedule, to-do lists, family responsibilities, the school year and so many other activities we commit to, home life can be chaotic. Trying to find quality time in the midst of the typical daily routine is hard work. We have to be extra intentional in every aspect of our lives right now. Add in the need for community, brotherly accountability, fitness, adventure, etc. and we find ourselves continually on the other side of balance. The pressure mounts every time we make a commitment. What I’ve learned though is that the perfect routine just simply can’t exist in our current phase of life. 

I want to dispel the myths that there is time for everything. As it turns out, it’s actually ok to. not have a perfect routine. Go figure! Life with kids requires flexibility, some semblance of balance and finding joy in the chaos, not despite it. We live in a world where bigger, better, and more are far too valued. Further, we live in a society where disappointing other people seems to take priority over our own mental wellness and familial relationships.

“Gotta make sure I’m not late to that business meeting”. 

“I have to get to the office so I can close another deal this weekend.”

“I’m just so crazy busy right now”. 

You know the sayings. You’ve probably said them yourself. Unfortunately, I have as well .

There is absolutely a better way. In this post, we’re going to uncover that better way to balance life with kids so that we don’t work or worry ourselves into believing we’re superhuman and can do everything everywhere all at once!

The Myth of the Perfect Routine: Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room—the myth of the perfect routine. The notion that you can have a neatly structured day where you balance work, family time, personal time, and everything in between is a fantasy sold by Instagram influencers and self-help gurus. You know what I’m talking about. 

You see the perfectly placed camera in a pristine kitchen or living room where the sun just happens to be perfectly shining on the “busy mom” who already has her makeup fully done for the day but is still in her pajamas. She saunters over to pour coffee then softly walks to the back patio to watch the waves roll over one by one as the sun sits straight overhead casting the perfect shadow for the best insta reel. The problem with the this setting is that the sun being over head means it’s early afternoon!

The fake lives we see all over social media have created in us the idea that perfection is the standard. But here’s the cold, hard truth: if you’re trying to juggle a full-time job, the demands of work, family responsibilities, and the wild card that is young children, a perfect routine is about as realistic as the Dallas Cowboys winning an important playoff game. #TooSoon. 

What The Studies Tell Us About Family Life

The statistics back this up. According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 38% said being a working parent had made it harder for them to be a good parent. Another study by the American Psychological Association found that “an analysis of 10 years of APA Stress in America data showed that parents of children under 18 are consistently more likely to report high levels of stress than others. And in 2023, one-third of parents rated their stress as high (8, 9, or 10 on a 10-point scale where 10 is a great deal of stress) compared with just 20% of the rest of the population. And yet, we keep pushing ourselves to fit into this impossible mold.”

It’s time to dismantle the idea that you need to have every minute of your day scheduled and accounted for. The reality is that life with young kids is unpredictable, and trying to force a rigid schedule will only lead to feelings of guilt and failure when you inevitably fall short. Think about it: how many times have you started the day with a plan, only to have it completely derailed by a child’s tantrum, a last-minute work crisis, or just sheer exhaustion? That’s not a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’re living in the real world.

Instead of chasing the impossible, let’s embrace the idea that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. So, let’s let go of the guilt, accept that the perfect routine is a myth, and start living in a way that’s actually sustainable.

Embracing Flexibility: Why It’s the Key to a More Balanced Life

Flexibility isn’t just a buzzword—it’s a lifeline. In a world that glorifies busyness and productivity, choosing flexibility is a radical act of self-care. It’s about recognizing that your life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s, and that’s perfectly okay.

One of my favorite sayings is “flexibility within the rigidity”. What I mean by this is that is that our days typically follow a calendar of sorts. School dropoffs, work meetings, practices, etc. mean that our daily lives revolve around our Google calendar. Within this rigid schedule, we have to learn to be flexible along the way. 

When you have young children, flexibility becomes not just a choice, but a necessity. Research from the Psychology Today states that “psychological flexibility gives parents the ability to remain engaged with their children, especially when things seem to be falling apart”. This flexibility allows you to adapt to the unexpected—whether it’s a sick child, a work deadline, or just the general chaos that comes with raising kids.

Flexibility is about recognizing that your worth isn’t tied to how much you can do in a day. It’s about knowing that sometimes, the best way to achieve a more balanced life is to let go of the idea that you need to do it all. As the saying goes, “You can do anything, but you can’t do everything.” So, let’s start living like that’s true.

The Cult of Busyness

But here’s where it gets counter-cultural: embracing flexibility also means rejecting the notion that being busy equals being successful. According to a report by the Harvard Business Review, the “cult of busyness” has become a status symbol in today’s society, leading many to overextend themselves to the point of burnout . But guess what? You don’t have to play that game. Choosing flexibility over rigid schedules isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of wisdom.

Consider this: instead of stressing about fitting everything into your day, what if you prioritized the things that truly matter? Maybe it’s not about cramming in every extracurricular activity but about making sure you have time for a family dinner a few nights a week. Maybe it’s not about getting up at 5 AM to hit the gym but about finding moments throughout the day to move your body and take care of your mental health. Possibly, it’s not even about racing to grab your daily coffee trying to beat the traffic to office. Or ensuring you schedule every meeting back to back so you no have no time to breathe. 

​Crazy Busy Is Not A Badge of Honor

One of the best lines I’ve ever read in any book ever is from a book called “It Doesn’t Have to Be Crazy At Work” by Jason Fried. 

“Crazy busy is not a badge of honor.”

Isn’t that the truth? How many of us set out to become so busy with our work, schedules and commitments that we don’t have time for the other good things in life? 

I want to provide some alternatives to some of the more common phrases of our daily battles. In this exercise, I’m going to mention a phrase then a corresponding message we are sending with that phrase. Further, I will add an alternative with a corresponding meaning as well. It may sound confusing, but let’s try it anyways. 

Now, I would be remiss to say that I have used almost all of these at one point or another. While not proud, I can relate. But what are the corresponding messages we are sending to those in our communities when we use phrases like these?

“Work is crazy busy.” = I am trying to appear more important than I actually am because I’m insecure. 

“I really don’t have time.” = I do have time, just not for you or anything you’re asking of me.

“We’re going 24/7 right now.” = We’re really not, but we’ve overcommitted and are too afraid to admit it.

“There aren’t enough hours in the day.” = I don’t know how to manage my time effectively. 

“I barely have time to breathe.” = I take on way too many projects. 

“I never have time for myself.” = I’m too busy saying yes that I haven’t learned to say no. 

“I’m too busy to relax.” = I work too much. 

It’s neverending. The constant pressure we put on ourselves to get all of it done is insurmountable. We can’t do it all. Fortunately, life wasn’t designed to do everything all the time. 

Reframing Busy and Hurry

So what if we changed how we communicate to others? What if, instead of these phrases, we articulated, with honesty and authenticity, our true state? 

“Work is crazy busy.”

Reframed: “I have a lot going on at work, but I’m working on managing it effectively.”

“I really don’t have time.”

Reframed: “I’m prioritizing other commitments right now, but I appreciate the offer.”

“We’re going 24/7 right now.”

Reframed: “We’ve taken on a lot, and we’re learning to balance our commitments better.”

“There aren’t enough hours in the day.”

Reframed: “I’m focusing on improving my time management to make the most of each day.”

“I barely have time to breathe.”

Reframed: “I’ve taken on several projects, and I’m working on finding a better balance.”

“I never have time for myself.”

Reframed: “I’m learning to set boundaries so I can make time for myself.”

“I’m too busy to relax.”

Reframed: “I’m working on creating space in my schedule to unwind and recharge.”

Practical Tips for Finding Balance in Day-to-Day Life

Now that we’ve debunked the myth of the perfect routine, embraced the power of flexibility and reframed our external dialogue, let’s talk about some practical strategies for finding balance in your day-to-day life. These aren’t just tips—they’re lifelines for navigating the chaos of parenting while maintaining your sanity.

1. Prioritizing What Matters Most: While we all have the same 24 hours in every day, we only have 24 hours each day. Profound thought, huh? How much time we spend on meaningless activities like Netflix, social media scrolling, and watching the news determine how much time we have left for everything else. The important things are those that are most essential to our life’s purpose and design. Do those first. If you miss the rest, so be it!
2. Involving Kids in Routine Planning: Let’s be real—kids are more likely to cooperate with a plan if they’ve had a hand in creating it. Involving your children in planning the family’s daily routine not only gives them a sense of control but also teaches them valuable life skills like time management and decision-making. Simply ask them what is important to them. More often than not, their priorities will become your priorities. And their priorities are more fun than yours!
3. Setting Realistic Expectations: One of the biggest sources of parental stress is the expectation that you need to be perfect—that you need to have the cleanest house, the most well-behaved kids, and the most successful career. But here’s the truth: those expectations are unrealistic and harmful. So, give yourself permission to be human. It’s okay if the laundry piles up or if you order takeout instead of cooking a gourmet meal. What matters is that you’re doing your best, and that’s enough.
4. Creating Flexible Routines: Structure is good, but too much structure can be stifling. Instead of trying to stick to a rigid schedule, create a routine that’s flexible and adaptable to your family’s needs. For example, rather than having a set time for every activity, create general time blocks for different parts of the day—like “morning routine,” “work time,” or “family time.” This allows you to maintain some structure while still being able to adapt to the unexpected.
5. Self-Care for Parents: This one can’t be emphasized enough—self-care is not optional. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Whether it’s taking a few minutes to yourself before the kids wake up, scheduling regular doctors’ appointments, or simply enjoying a good book before bed, make sure you’re taking care of your mental and physical health. When I moved my wake-up time each morning to 5:15 rather than 5:30, I was shocked by what that additional 15 minutes did as I could slowly start the day without any sort of rush or immediate task.

Balancing Work and Family Life: Navigating the Chaos

The statistics are sobering. According to a report by the United States Department of Labor, 70% of mothers with young children are in the workforce, and many of them report struggling to find a healthy work-life balance. Men absolutely deal with the same issue. I would argue that a father or husband has so much societal pressure to excel and perform in their careers that they seldom realize they even have a balancing issue. 

So, what’s the solution? It’s not about working more hours or trying to squeeze more into your already packed schedule. It’s about finding a balance that works for you and your family, even if it looks different from everyone else’s.

Parkinson’s Law is essential to fully understanding how to navigate this conundrum. It’s a law of nature that we tend to complete given tasks or responsibilities within the allotment of time we have set. Parkinson’s Law states that if we were to squeeze the amount of time we have to complete certain tasks, we would still complete those tasks with similar or equal proficiency. Rather than giving yourself 2 hours for that article you’re writing, give yourself 90 minutes. Then take the other 30 minutes and go for a walk!

But let’s also talk about the guilt that often comes with trying to balance work and family. The guilt of missing an important family event because of work responsibilities, or the guilt of not giving enough time to your job because of family commitments. It’s time to let go of that guilt. 

At the end of the day, literally, the joy and fulfillment you experience will not be contingent on how many hours you put in. Your joy and fulfillment will be contingent on how much you put into the hours. 

Resources and Further Reading

Websites and Blogs

• Hands Free Mama: A blog dedicated to letting go of perfection and embracing a more connected, balanced approach to parenting.
• The Gottman Institute: Provides research-based advice on parenting, relationships, and achieving balance in family life.
• Focus on the Family: Offers a wealth of resources on Christian parenting, marriage, and balancing family life with faith.
• FamilyLife: Provides Christian-based advice on marriage, parenting, and family life, including articles, podcasts, and events aimed at helping families thrive.
• Proverbs 31 Ministries: A ministry that offers devotionals, articles, and podcasts focused on helping Christian women balance their faith, family, and personal growth.
• The Gospel Coalition: A resource for Christian articles and blogs on parenting, balancing work and family, and living out your faith in daily life.
• She Reads Truth: Offers Bible studies and devotionals aimed at helping women integrate their faith into their daily lives, including resources for balancing parenting and spiritual growth.

Books

• “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown: Focuses on embracing vulnerability and letting go of the need for perfection, which is crucial for finding balance as a parent.
• “Overwhelmed: How to Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time” by Brigid Schulte: A deep dive into the pressures of modern life and practical strategies for achieving a more balanced and fulfilling life.
• “Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family” by Paul David Tripp: Focuses on gospel-centered parenting, offering principles that help Christian parents balance their responsibilities while keeping their focus on God’s purpose for their family.
• “The Power of a Praying Parent” by Stormie Omartian: This book emphasizes the importance of prayer in parenting, providing practical guidance on how to cover your children in prayer and find peace and balance through faith.
• “Grace Based Parenting” by Dr. Tim Kimmel: A guide to raising kids in a way that reflects God’s grace, helping parents to let go of perfectionism and focus on what truly matters in raising godly children.
• “Rhythms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose” by Rebekah Lyons: Offers four rhythms—Rest, Restore, Connect, and Create—to help Christians find balance and peace in their lives, particularly useful for parents juggling many responsibilities.

Social Media Follows

1. @RisenMotherhood: Focuses on gospel-centered motherhood, offering encouragement and practical advice on balancing parenting with faith.
2. @Sally.Clarkson: Sally Clarkson shares wisdom on intentional parenting, family culture, and the importance of grace and love in the home.
3. @Proverbs31Ministries: Offers daily devotionals, inspirational quotes, and practical advice for Christian women, including topics on balancing motherhood and spiritual growth.
4. @JenWilkin: Bible teacher and author Jen Wilkin shares insights on Christian living, including parenting and maintaining balance amidst life’s demands.
5. @LisaBevere: Lisa Bevere offers strong encouragement for women of faith, focusing on balancing the many roles they play, including motherhood

Conclusion to Balancing Life With Kids

Life with kids is messy, chaotic, and rarely goes according to plan. But within that chaos, there’s also beauty and joy—if you’re willing to look for it. Balancing life with kids isn’t about following someone else’s formula or achieving a perfect work-life balance. It’s about embracing the chaos, finding what works for your family, and letting go of the guilt that comes with not having it all figured out.

There’s a really good chance you won’t have a lot of time to give to yourself during your years or decades of child-raising. Further, engaging in any sort of social life, a quick grocery store run or physical activity may seem impossible. The beautiful thing is that it IS impossible. There is not enough time in the day to complete everything we need every single day. So take a few deep breaths and free yourself from the pressure we all feel in today’s world. 

So, here’s to the parents who are doing their best in difficult times. Here’s to the ones who are juggling a million things and still finding time to love, laugh, and live fully. And here’s to you, for reading this far and being open to a new way of thinking about balance. Good luck on your journey—you’ve got this.

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