The Unexpected Power In Biblical Friendship
Estimated reading time: 12 minutes
Introduction To The Power of Friendship
Friendships can make or break life itself. Obviously, they are supposed to add to instead of take away from life’s beauty. However, many times they empty instead of enrich our hearts. This was never God’s design. We were created for relationship with our Creator Himself first and foremost. He made us to be sustained and satisfied by His company alone. And He also made us for His own enjoyment as well! Can you believe that?? God created us because He longed for our company! He delights in us, and He is the unfailing, unchanging, ultimate best friend.
Earthly friendships will certainly not fulfill us in the way our relationship with Jesus Christ can. But Biblical friendship should indeed replicate the type of friendship that we personally have with God. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church. This proves that friendship within a marriage should be fashioned after Christ and His bride. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” This shows clearly that we are to represent true sacrifice in our friendships just as Christ did for us. So, if true friendship is to be modeled after the relationship that gives life itself, then we can comfortably conclude that the power of a close friendship will also bring a good return on life’s abundance.
The Emptiness
Some may “not” believe this. There are many selfish and striving people who think that friendships will always weigh you down and get in the way of true progress in life. My guess is that they have come to this belief based on a personal experience where someone really did kill their dreams or diminish their passions in some way. Or others may think that friendships bring nothing but pain and heartache. Again, my guess is that these people have had many broken relationships. And this has led them to a conviction that there is nothing good that could ever come from friendships. The wounds of a friend have probably built heavy walls up in their hearts toward others, and they feel much safer that way.
Or still others may think that friendships are not bad to have. But they’re certainly not near as important as other goals in life. They may be indifferent because they have never truly experienced the life-changing power of friendship itself. They may have never allowed there to be “depth” in any of their friendships. So they do not know the true value that a good friend can bring. Some people refuse to be vulnerable because they have tried that in the past, and it didn’t turn out well. Yet others are probably more closed off naturally. And they simply do not know how to reveal to others what is really in their heart. Practicing vulnerability is difficult for everyone because it comes with great risk. However, it is one of the key ingredients when it comes to growing in gospel-centered friendship with others.
The Enrichment
It is completely true that friendships can bring an emptiness in life that is quite incomparable. Sometimes this emptiness comes from the guilt of our own mistakes towards others. Other times it comes from the wounds inflicted on us. And still other times, it is a horrible mixture of the two. Yet, I really want to dive into the beauty that God actually intended for a godly friendship to bring. There is great power in friendships. And while many would agree with this, there are still many who consider them “not” worth the effort it takes to invest in them. I am here to give two very specific and even unexpected reasons for just how influential friendship can be.
A Beautiful Restoration
The first reason is because the experience of restoration within a friendship is a small replica of what the Lord Jesus offers all human beings when they accept what He did on the cross. Sin did not just bring death upon us. It first caused broken relationship with the Father which was so much worse. Christ atoned for sin on the cross, but “forgiveness” is only a small part of what He longs to offer. A restored friendship is much higher up on His list. I like to call it the “So That” principle. Yes, He offered forgiveness SO THAT He could restore us to right relationship. We are no longer at war with God’s holiness because of our sin. The One who fulfilled the law made us righteous in Him. The good news He offers is not just that He forgives but that He befriends.
Chosen Love
When I was a little girl, I remember getting in so many arguments with my brother. We would bicker back and forth, but then we’d get right back to playing. I did not grasp the gravity of true restoration back then because I didn’t ever worry about us “not” working something out. I knew no matter what, he had to love me. You may laugh, but you probably thought the same thing if you had siblings too. There was actually a beauty to this, however, because it taught me about the freedom I could have in my own walk with God. There was nothing, absolutely nothing I could ever do to make Him stop loving me, and that was true power in friendship. God did not have to love me. He chose to. And He keeps loving me not because I will ever deserve it, but because He never changes.
The older I got, the more I realized that my brother as well chose to love. Mom and Dad might have made it seem like there was no option, but as we got older, we realized that love is always a choice. I grew to appreciate my brother’s love all the more when I realized he didn’t have to. That’s when I grew to appreciate the experience of restoration. We still fought the older we got, but we got a lot better at coming to some sort of resolution. Every time we experienced this, there was a greater level of appreciation that I had for him, and we grew closer because of it. What is a friendship without conflict? This is a popular phrase, but it does not just mean that conflict is common. It means that a beautiful part of friendship is found on the other side of conflict.
Fruitful Conflict
I would say from experience that restoration in relationship brings a depth to the friendship that perhaps could not have been had if conflict had not happened. I’m not saying that conflict is a good thing. It just pushes friendships into a place where someone has to make a choice to forgive or to admit they made mistakes. It pushes us to the point to where the choice to love becomes hard but much more representative of Christ. He chose to love when it was hard, when we did not love Him back, when we were yet sinners. When we are faced with the decision to love “anyway,” or when we realize that we just made our friend love “us” anyway, we get a greater glimpse of God’s true gift. Restoration in friendship opens our eyes to the heart of the gospel.
A Powerful Witness
The second proof that friendship is powerful when a God-fearing friendship becomes one of the greatest witnesses to the entire world. Faithful and wise friends not only bring an abundance of good times, but they demonstrate a covenant love that can also make a tremendous impact on others. We sometimes think that to bear fruit we must preach or teach or evangelize on the street corners. And yes, certainly, these good deeds are necessary. But many times, the way we pursue or engage in our friendships can be the brightest light we will ever shine to others.
This type of closeness definitely takes much effort and even sacrifice. However, it also comes from the bond provided by the Holy Spirit Himself. He is the One who builds relationships up on Biblical truth and unconditional love. With this foundation, the two people involved in the friendship will certainly thrive and sharpen each other. Their friendship will be a priceless treasure to each other. But the beckoning beauty of the friendship itself will also draw others into an awareness of an abundance that they can have with God first and then with others. True friendship can model the oneness found in the Trinity and can usher others into divine intimacy.
Unconditional Friendship
David and Jonathan shared a compelling friendship that became a profound example for others. It says in 1 Samuel 18:1 that Jonathan and David loved each other as they loved themselves and that they became one in spirit. I love how their unity created such a powerful force. Surely they had no idea that thousands of years later, when people wanted to learn about friendship in the Bible, they would go straight to their story. The covenant type of unconditional love that they shared was the very essence of what Christ came to offer the church, His bride, the body of Christ.
Unlikely Friendship
The funny thing about these two guys was that it was rather unlikely that they should have ever been friends! Understandably, they should have been rivals. It became clear well before Saul’s death, that the people loved David more, and that He would most likely be the next king. Jonathan had every right to feel the same way his father did about David because according to natural kingdom processes, he should have been the next king. But instead, he loved David deeply. He honored him, bestowed gifts upon him, and even protected him time and again from his father. They magnified the power of their friendship by defying the odds and choosing to be brothers instead of rivals.
Unified Friendship
To say they became on in spirit even before the Holy Spirit had made himself known to the world was truly remarkable. They entered into a unity that foretold so much of what Christ was about to portray with His Father, and what the Holy Spirit was about to provide in terms of fellowship. It took sacrifice and continual investment, but David and Jonathan were faithful friends. And they allowed their hearts to be unified in a way that amplified God’s heart to the world. They gave an illustration for how a unified body of Christ should function. Outsiders can see and know Christ better by observing how the body represents Him. Yet sharing the gospel with unbelievers is not the only way to do this. We also bear His name by befriending the body with fervency.
Let’s Get Personal
Wounded by Words
I have personally experienced both of these reasons that make friendships so powerful. I have faced great brokenness in relationships and watched the Lord alone restore them. Several years ago I was deeply wounded by the words of a dear friend. They struck deep, and not only did they shake our relationships, but they shattered my identity. It took several months for God to take me from rock bottom, and build me back up on the Rock which is Him. God used these wounds to reveal to me a deeper understanding of who I was in Him. And He also used the brokenness found in relationship to allow us to truly experience divine restoration. And the closeness of our friendship after these tough times gave me a much greater awareness of and appreciation for the undeserved relationship that I had been granted with the Father at salvation.
Oh the depths of what Christ went through to restore us back to Him! And oh what joy in seeing how restored friendships can highlight how we were chosen, purchased, and grafted into restored relationship with a good good Father. You may be thinking, “Well, what about the friendships that haven’t been restored yet?” In a reverse kind of way, we can use our confidence in the restoration we have with God to then pray powerfully over any broken relationships. While restored friendships can accentuate our renewed identity in Christ, our relationship with God can appropriate healing into areas of brokenness. We must not lose hope, for He “is” the power found in friendship.
Life Sweetened by Siblings
I have also seen the beauty experienced in my close friendships become an inspiration to others. And I myself have been inspired by observing other powerful friendships. I do not think that anyone should “only” pursue friendships to set an example. We must not consume ourselves with what others are thinking. We should aim to invest, like Jesus did, in the hearts of our friends in a meaningful way. But we can certainly pray that our godly friendships will leave an impression on others in the exact way that God wants it too. There are areas of friendship that need to be kept secret between the two involved. But then there are other areas that can be clearly shown to others, not in a way that makes them feel left out, but in a way that makes them feel invited to observe a bond that bears the name of Jesus.
I have four siblings, two sisters and two brothers. And they all are some of my very best friends. Yes, we still fight sometimes; and yes, we’ve experienced many moments of restoration. But I have absolutely loved getting to love on, learn from, and lean on these four amazing people. I have watched them grow so much in their walks with the Lord, and I deeply admire each one of them. I’m so honored to be their sister, and I’m extremely fortunate to have them as friends. My life has been forever changed by them. And I pray that our friendships can spread the message that God can make family to be friends and friends to be family. Friendship with God lights a bright flame in our hearts. As we embrace those around us, our flames are joined together, and the world can be warmed by its light.
About the Author
Celeste Claborn
Hi! I’m Celeste! I am a mother, a wife, and a writer! I have the joy of raising 5 kids, one of which is my husband, John. When we’re not writing, we enjoy the great outdoors, traveling or playing outside with the neighbors. I hope you find joy in my writing, as well as impactful articles that lead you closer to freedom and adventure in Jesus.
